Recently, I broke up with my girlfriend to sort out some family and school issues. During this time, she slept with a guy and regrets it. Now she wants to get back together, but I can’t help thinking that something of ours has been taken away. Am I being unfair?
Yes, you are being extremely unfair. Unless you and your girlfriend vowed not to date or sleep with other people during the time it would take you to sort out your personal problems, your ex did no wrong.
Bummer that she regrets her sexual meanderings, though. Did she sleep with this guy in order to help her forget about the fact that you bagged the relationship? Or to make herself feel desirable in the throes of heartache? Or, perhaps, to make you jealous or even regretful about dropping her just because you were under stress?
We all do things we regret later in life, but none of them are wasted if we examine our actions in an effort to do things differently next time. You might encourage your ex-girlfriend to think about her behavior. But I’d also like to encourage you to think about yours.
You wrote that you felt something had been taken away from your relationship after your ex-girlfriend slept with someone else. Well, might I suggest that your own actions (breaking up with her in the first place) may also have taken something away from your relationship? (That something being trust.)
You’re both obviously wounded by what has transpired. To get past this, you’ll need to discuss your feelings about the affair and the way you broke things off.
Life is filled with stress. If it’s not about family or school, it will be about work or money or starting a family of your own. You can’t escape stress. Now’s as good a time as any to learn how not to let stress smother you and your lover.