I met a wonderful woman and had sex on the first date. But now after four months of dating, she’s putting on the brakes. She says she’s getting cold feet. How long should I wait for her to get in touch with her feelings?
Your girlfriend is trying to let you down easy. Here’s the thing about passion: When it burns hottest is often when it burns fastest. You may indeed share similar interests, desires, tastes in movies and preferences for midsize sedans, but if her heart is telling her that despite all of that something doesn’t feel right, give her a lot of credit for being honest.
Few of us actually choose a life partner based on whether we made love on the first date, or the fifth, or the fiftieth, but there is something to be said for delaying sex until after both partners have moved past all the doubts.
You sound like a guy who wants more than mere recreational sex. You want a lover who will share your life for a very long time. Maybe your girlfriend wanted the same thing, and maybe you’re both guilty of failing to test the emotional waters before you dove headfirst into the deep end of the pool.
How long should you wait before you call your girlfriend and ask her how she feels? I don’t know your girlfriend so it’s difficult to answer that precisely. My inclination is to suggest that you give her at least a month and then phone and ask her out to lunch, or suggest a cup of coffee. If she declines the invitation, then you have your answer. Be gentlemanly. There are other women out there, and your present girlfriend just wasn’t the one for you.
If she accepts the invitation, be prepared to listen to what she has to say, and remember: It may not be what you want to hear. All of the commonality in the world won’t change anything if she tells you that she doesn’t think your relationship is going to work. Don’t argue. Be gracious. Give her a rose and wish her luck.
If, however, she calls you first before the month is up, you’d better be ready to decide whether you have cold feet. Traffic travels in both directions on the Boulevard of Love. Don’t jump into anything if you have doubts.