My boyfriend has weekly contact with an old girlfriend that he broke up with. It appears that she has continued to contact him after the breakup to discuss personal problems. He says that she doesn’t have many friends and he just lends an ear and that’s it. I feel that since they have had a romantic relationship that he should cut ties.
I have given up on this one in hopes that eventually she will stop calling or he will stop listening. I don’t feel that happy with this decision and feel it’s put some distance between my feelings for my boyfriend. Am I being petty and jealous?
I’ve never understood the romantic notion of being friends after a breakup. Sure, I try to leave the guys I date on friendly terms, but even when I do, I barely have time for the occasional catch-up call or email. For me, free time and friendships are both rare commodities. When I have a few hours to spare and socialize, I want to spend it with my good friends – not with an ex.
When you tell me that this person is constantly calling and meeting up with your boyfriend every week, I’m quite certain that friendship is the last thing on her mind. This girl’s not moving on – she’s moving in on your man!
Think about it. If you wanted one of your ex-boyfriends back, wouldn’t you try to stay friends with him? Being friends means that she can call him, talk to him about her problems, cry on his shoulder, reach out to him when she is vulnerable. She wants the opportunity to keep telling him how crappy her life is without him. This girl isn’t interested in friendship and if your boyfriend is too blind to see this, then it is up to you to point it out.
If he says he’s doing this because she has no friends, remind him that she managed quite successfully to meet and make friends with him – so she’s more than capable of making other friends. You can even go one step further: if she needs a friend so badly, why don’t you give her a call? Suggest that maybe a little girl-to-girl talk is what she needs, another woman to confide in and talk to. I can assure you that she won’t be calling either of you very often after that.