I’ve been in a serious relationship for almost four years with a man I truly love and, about a year ago, he took a job in another city. Ever since, we’ve been commuting back and forth on the weekends.
Things were going well but last weekend he said he didn’t know if he wanted to stay together. He said that our feelings for each other is not there anymore and that the romance is dying. Should I try to convince him not to break up with me or should I just call it quits and move on, as hard as that may be for me?
I can certainly relate to your predicament. One year after my husband and I met he took a job across state. Only for us, there was never any doubt whether or not we’d stay together. We’d been talking about marriage before he was even offered the position. And once he took the job, we spent a lot of time discussing how our relationship would change while we were apart.
What made being apart easier was knowing it was only temporary and that we’d eventually be back together. It sounds to me like you need to sit down and talk about what should have been discussed before he packed his things and boarded that plane.
Trying to maintain a long-distance relationship when you have no idea how long you’ll actually be apart can make things especially difficult. Talk about the possibilities and options for eventually living in the same town together.
A four-year relationship with someone you truly love is not something you want to throw away just because of geography. It’s not a matter of convincing him not to break up with you, but talking to him about the future.
With your boyfriend complaining that the “passion is gone” you also need to talk to him about what’s important in a relationship – trust, respect, and friendship – something I suspect you both have with each other or else your long-distance relationship wouldn’t have lasted as long as it already has.
Making a long-distance relationship work takes a lot of work. But in the end, any worthwhile relationship is worth the effort.