Should I Be Worried About Getting Married?

I’m getting married in a couple of months and I honestly couldn’t be happier – or so I thought. My fiancé is wonderful and I love him deeply. But the other day, I ran into a man with whom I was once very much in love. The meeting was such a fluke. I was getting on a bus to work and he happened to be on board. We started talking and decided to meet for lunch to catch up. What was supposed to be a one-hour meal turned into a four-hour marathon.

Since then, I find myself thinking about this man all the time and I’m wondering if my upcoming marriage is such a good idea. Is it possible to love two men at the same time? Or am I just getting cold feet?

When it comes to marriage, the last thing you want to be is unsure. I can tell you that, after 17 years of marriage and two kids, it takes a huge commitment to make the relationship work. All brides- and grooms-to-be get a little nervous when they realize the enormous commitment they’re about to make. I know I did and I wondered if I was making the right decision. But that only lasted a day. You sound like this has been bugging you for longer than that.

Running into an old love can be very exciting, especially if you didn’t part on bad terms. It’s perfectly normal to feel those old butterflies again and see the old attraction return. But don’t mistake your excitement for love. You may have loved him once before but it’s certain that both of you have changed a lot since you were together. One lunch isn’t enough time to discover and fall in love with the new person he has become. He doesn’t know who you are either. Before you tell your fiancé the wedding is off, I would think about all of the reasons you said yes to him in the first place.

Think about why you want to be his wife and why he makes you so happy. If your old flame hadn’t turned up, would the same doubts be surfacing? My gut says that they wouldn’t. I think your meeting was a reminder that you’re about to commit yourself to one man and that can be scary. He’s the only man you’ll date from now on, the only one you’ll kiss and he’ll be the father of your children (if you decide to have any). I remember thinking all of these things just before my wedding and, I’m happy to say, even after 17 years, that marriage was the best decision I ever made. Best of luck to you!